"To Everything there is a season..."

My husband and I traveled to Morrison, Colorado on Saturday December 26th to visit with Jason and Christopher - I anticipated being a strong, rock-solid Christian; ready to take-on whatever God had in store for me. Ready to be strong for Jason (my son-in-law) who has struggled with the reason that God took Robin home so soon; for Christopher who talks about his mommy being in heaven, and not understanding why she doesn't come home. Upon arriving at their home, I was flooded of memories of Robin. Unfortunately, they were sad memories of the struggles she had this past year; the struggle to breathe, the struggle to gain weight, the struggle to fight off infection; and I could go on. I realized how frail my emotions are and that I was not going to be the strong rock Jason and Christopher needed! I looked forward to going to church this morning, first of all for comfort from my Heavenly Father through His Word and teaching, and second to visit those who were such a blessing to Robin. When the first person said "how are you? how was your Christmas? Was it hard?" I fell apart and remained that way for the rest of the day. God is showing me how weak I really am, He is showing me that I need to cry and cry often. He has told us in His Word "To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under Heaven...A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.."
I am weeping and mourning - I look forward to laughing and dancing again. It may not be until I meet Jesus, but I am sure of one thing; His promises are true and I choose to believe them!! I pray your new year will be filled with laughing, dancing and singing!

Blessings to you, and don't forget to hug your daughter!
Gayle

Meeting in Heaven

When Robin and I were spending so much time in the hospital in August, I met a young woman who was almost in the same situation as Robin - Her name was was Jayme, she had a 5 yr old daughter and she was fighting the same battle as Robin; rejection of lungs she had received in a double lung transplant along with the battle of Cystic Fibrosis. I told the Lord I did not want to be involved in "another situation" that caused me heart ache. I told Him that I had enough on my plate dealing with Robin.
Robin had communicated with Jayme over the last few years as they dealt with the same problem and she wanted me to visit with Jayme in her hospital room down the hall. I complied and did get to visit with her and her mother. I have kept track of Jayme's condition over the last couple months, and of course Jayme was very sad when Robin lost her battle. Jayme met Robin in heaven this last week and I'm sure it was a glorious reunion as they were unable to see each other face to face here on earth due to their illnesses. I am praying for her parents and the little girl she left behind. I do not understand why God takes mommies and daddies home leaving their small children behind to grieve; but I do know that I trust God completely in His reasons. I can either Believe God for who He says He is, or I can doubt Him. I choose to Believe God!! On another note, there was a young man who also had Cystic Fibrosis and rejection of his double lung tp in Utah. He died the same day that Robin did! They both met Jesus and each other at the same time. How cool is that?

Blessings to you and oh yes, hug your daughters!
Gayle

May the Words of My Mouth...

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart; be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord my strength and my redeemer. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made - You have made me glad, I will praise You for as long as I have breath.. Praise You Father.

Faith....

In Nancy Misslers book "Faith in the Night Seasons" she talks about "real faith is not seeing, not understanding, not feeling and not knowing. Real faith is simply trusting, no matter what we see happening, no matter what we understand to be true, and no matter what we feel like, that God will be faithful to His Word and perform His promises to us in His timing and in His way." Wow, do those words hit home with me. I still am not able to see why, and understand why Robin had to suffer so terribly in her last months of life. I may never know why while I live on this earth. I do know that I have a loving Father who says, Gayle, My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways... My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.. Is 55:8-9. Just to think, His plans are so much bigger than I could ever imagine. That motivates me to want to hang on to this ride He has me on... Wow! God is so incredibly awesome and powerful! I pray you will dig into His Word and rest in His comfort

Happy Thanksgiving!

I would like to wish all my family and friends a wonderful Thanksgiving for 2009. I have been so humbled by your wonderful emails, cards, comments, love and encouragement. Many days are difficult for me; sometimes just an hour is difficult and other times the whole day. I realize God is continuing to work in me and thru me as I journey down this road of grief. As I stated before, my request to God is that I do not want to go back to where I was spiritually before Robin became so ill. I really believe my roots have dug down deep in the Lord and I praise Him for that happening.
I am asking that God will be your comforter this holiday season, as many people are grieving for a loved one that they may have lost.

Blessings!
Gayle

Thanksgiving Blessings

Ok, I have to admit I decided to pass the holidays this year and just sit and sulk. I told God that I don't want Thanksgiving or Christmas - just take me to Spring. This is a difficult time of year for so many people, but if you have lost loved ones, it can be excruciating! Especially when your holidays were always surrounded by that loved one. In my case it is my daughter who is gone to heaven - my only precious daughter who I love and miss so very much. God gave her to me for 30 short years and the memories are still so vivid to me.
After listening to Dr. Dobson and his guest R.T. Kendall the last two days, I decided I was being a selfish whiner! They talked about his book "Just Say Thanks!" Mr. Kendall expressed that "cultivating a spirit of gratitude will deepen your intimacy with God." Then I remembered that each time the days got really rough with Robin - I thanked Him for the struggles we both were having. It was at that time that God surrounded me with His love and comfort. I do remember how intimate those times could be!
So for now, (and of course, I could still change my mind!) I plan to have Thanksgiving with my other family members and Christmas too! What we will do is thank Him for the gift of life, love, health, jobs, living in a free country, saving our souls, giving us each other, and I could go on.
I pray your days will be thankful, no matter if it is Thanksgiving or Easter and that you will remember to "Give Thanks in ALL things..." as the scripture says.

Blessings!
Gayle

Dancing in fields of grace and glory!!

It has been awhile since I posted last. Robin went to heaven in the early hours of Wednesday November 4, 2009 - She breathed her last and opened her eyes in heaven! Glory, Glory hallelujah!! We traveled home on Saturday November 7th - had a wonderful service for her on Sat. Nov. 14th with over 200 people celebrating her homegoing and coronation in heaven! Where do I go from here? Just resting and relaxing in the Lord. "I know the plans I have for you says the Lord; plans to give you a future and a hope." Come Lord Jesus..

Heaven will be glorious!

Today Robin has taken a turn for the worse. Her heart is giving out on her and she is in the dying stage. What a sad but joyful time for her. She will wake up in heaven seeing the one who gave His life for her. He will welcome her home "good and faithful servant" She will be able to breathe the breath of life that the father will give her. Her first breath will be so awesome! She will see her grandparents who are waiting for her along with friends she knew on earth.
The sad part is for our family who is left behind. We are sad as we will miss Robin - we are also sad because of Christopher who is 5 and does not understand what is happening to his mommy! As I have been laying next to her, I have been singing special songs to her - songs of joy and peace. I am so priviledged to be here to experience the joy that God will bring to her life when she opens her eyes in heaven!! Woo hoo - what a glorious experience for her. Psalms 119:74 "May all who fear you find in me a cause for joy, for I have put my hope in Your Word"
Blessings to you!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2009

Wow, where has 2009 gone? It is the last day of October. Yesterday was a not so good day for us. Robin had an anxiety attack in the morning after breakfast. I gave her the good stuff which helped tremendously! The only problem is she was sleeping all day and did not eat lunch. We woke her up and checked her blood sugar at 6:00 P.M. and it was 40! We spent the next couple hours getting her to eat tons of sugar to raise her blood sugar. It was a day of frustration again.
This morning in my quiet time 1 Peter 1, started out by saying "To God's chosen people who are away from their homes and are scattered all around the countries (then it says all the countries). God planned long ago to choose you by making you his holy people, which is the Spirit's work." This spoke to me because I have been away from my home for almost 3 months with no certainty when I will return. I believe once again God has revealed to me that this is the job He has called me to do. When I finish the job, then He has something else for me. Not sure what, but I know He loves me and cares for me so I won't worry! I do want to finish the race and receive God's blessings! I do have a Living Hope and I am called to Holy Living!

Snow, snow and more snow! over 2 feet on the ground!

Waking this morning to more snow.... It has not stopped snowing for 2 days. It is beautiful ! God is showing His beauty here in Colorado. Robin had a restful day today. She mostly sleeps - she ate good today too! Took Christopher out to buy new snow boots. Jason was home today, he is worn out from all the emotional stress. I think we all are, including Robin! I continue to trust that God is who He says He is, and that He can do what He says He can do! I'm believing God.

Big snow day!

Woke up to about 5 inches of snow this morning. By afternoon, over one foot on the ground. Wow, God is so good - He brings such beauty in this world, especially when things look so mundane!
Robin has been sleeping most of the day - she woke up for breakfast, then lunch and is now watching T.V. We all plan to just lay around and wait for the snow to stop!
"I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Thank you Lord for life.

Why me, Lord?

Why me, Lord? What is it that I have done to deserve your unconditional love in my life? Why did you choose me to take care of Robin in her last days? I am so undeserving of your faithfulness to me; I fail you in so many ways! Thank you for what I am learning in the study of Nehemiah; that I too can be a wall builder in my life. I ask that You would "strengthen my hands today" for your purpose. I love you and worship you O Holy One.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Today it is snowing in Morrison, Colorado.. God is so good and we are so blessed. I feel like God is showering me with His love as I continue to take care of my precious daughter. Why me Lord? He wants to bless me! I am confident that He who began a good work in me will complete it thru Christ Jesus! That's it for today.. Back to work..............